Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Read My Hips.

In the smack dab middle of Read My Hips by Kim Brittingham.

As I told my sister via text, if I wasn't a robot, I would cry. Never have I felt such a strong, personal connection to written words. That is a bold statement, I know. The entire book is about loving yourself no matter your size. All things that I realize, or, as my therapist says, "my executive side" realizes, but are so difficult to put into practice.

The words I am typing here do no justice to effect this books is having on me; it prompted me to creep Kim Brittingham out on Facebook and write her a brief message. This is not normal behavior for me.

So far, one of my favorite bits, "And regardless of what size or shape my body may be, no matter how it may change -- bigger, smaller, looser, older -- I want to be loved just as I am. Me, in my natural packaging, appreciated for the whole that I am, for all the wonderful innate qualities that I bring to the table."

Sunday, December 18, 2011


Apparently I am not maintaining brain cells. I am losing them.

Two fails in one weekend, I'm going for a record...

Fail #1: Made Christmas cookies. My sister came over, I had already started the pizelles, when she got here, she started on the chocolate chips. My second round of cookies is my favorite: butter cookies. Those little spritzer cookies full of artery-clogging, triglyceride-raising goodness. The dough was uncooperative, so I refrigerated it. That worked for the cookie press. And then I put them in the oven and they spread out all over the place. I was frustrated and angry. I tossed everything out. Later, for whatever reason, I realized how I effed up. I put in 8x the butter, but only 4x the other ingredients. Good-bye brain cells, it was nice getting reacquainted you for a brief time. Go spread your competence elsewhere.

Fail #2: Got a jump on the the laundry this weekend. I started it on Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning. Felt way ahead of the game, a little treat to myself for effing up the cookies. (Yeah, completing laundry is a treat, typing that, I realize I'm much more a Type A personality than I care to admit.) This morning, as I was again, feeling satisfied that it is not yet noon and the laundry is away, I cursed myself for thinking to gain a time advantage, I'd just toss the whites in with the colors. Husband's undershirts are tinged gray, as is my white camisole. Goodbye common sense brain cells, I hope you use your power for good instead of evil.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

In Love.

There is some one new in my life, but I have a feeling that my love is unrequited. This is a reason for this: my new love is a house. A beautiful, beautiful house that, deep within my being, I feel is meant for my family.

I cannot stop thinking about this place. The center hallway, the welcoming porch,the cozy living room with gas fireplace, the thick, shiny plank hardwood floors, the humongous add-on kitchen with dining nook, the large deck, the huge yard with plenty of room for all sorts of vegetables, all the natural light. *sigh*

I have driven past this home many, many times. I always wondered what it looked like inside. Now I know, and it is even more amazing. The idea of walking up the porch steps and entering the double front door excites me.

But now, the downside: anxiety. We are an anxious family, each with our own peccadillos. How will the child cope with not having friends two doors away? How will we cope with her anxiety? Should the move be postponed until she's older? My heart is torn. My heart wants this house so badly, but my heart also wants to protect my daughter.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Does the blog need to be renamed?

So, this blog was started however many years ago, when I was reveling in the fact that I no longer worked in a cubicle and I could celebrate my hobbies; hence, "Regaining Brain Cells."

I got a 9-5 job. First day is tomorrow. And sure, I won't be in a cubicle, but an office, which really, is kind of like "The King's New Clothes" version of office-life awesomeness. Anyhow, I'm going in with a good attitude because I realize that in true Jaime-fashion, I am sincerely apathetic. I'm not nervous, I'm not excited, it's just something I have to do tomorrow. I don't really know what this job will hold, and frankly, I'm OK with that because after much soul searching during the past couple years, I've realized that I have no career goals. What I want to do with my life is be a mom. And I am a mom. And that makes me happy. I don't want 15 kids, or even 2 kids. I have 1 kid and that is perfect for me. I get to experience all the joys, annoyances, dramas, and bliss that comes with motherhood and that makes me happy. Being a mom is my career, and I like it.

I have no regrets about quitting a job that I hated to raise my daughter. The past five and half years were amazingly wonderful and brutally frustrating and exactly what I wanted. I still want it, I just have to make money. Unfortunately, motherhood has no salary, but fortunately, mucho benefits, which I will still reap.

Back to the title of the blog, I think I'll change it to "Maintaining Brain Cells" because, as most are, I am optimistic at the start of my new job venture. I have confidence that I will not let this job define me, or break me, torment me, or make me lose brain cells. Hell! I've working at pharmacy part-time for five years, true, it was only part time, but I didn't feel worthless or undervalued because I got what I want, need, and crave from my family. I hope that I can maintain this attitude with my new job.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Things I've Made but Haven't Taken Pictures of

I made this infinity scarf. I love it. When husband saw me wearing it, he said, "Howdy. Pard'ner." Nice.

I made these leaves our of this yarn with the thought of making the wreath. Decided, instead, to sew pins onto the back of individual leaves. I wear it on my February Lady Sweater. It looks nice.

I made drapes, curtains, whatever for my living room. I like them. Trying not to let my OCD tendencies flourish with the realization that one curtain has the pattern going up, the other has the pattern going down. 10 yards of fabric at Jomar for $24.50. Yes, please.

Inspired by this, I refashioned a blouse my sister gave me. The tie isn't as long as I'd like mainly b/c I used the scrap from the sides that I took in.

Must dash. Have an interview soon where I plan on wearing my new refashioned blouse with dry clean only pants that haven't been dry cleaned in xx years. Thank you, Downy wrinkle-release. Huh. Haven't watched Bridget Jones in awhile, not sure what inspired the last paragraph.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Why Photographs are awesome.

Solely based on this image, you would think we were having a great time. We weren't. My daughter was apparently PMSing about 6 years early. I had one of those parenting moments, when I pulled her out of the car, grabbing her arms tightly in my fists, that I scared myself. But ya know what? She still loves me. Yeah, she thinks I'm a bitch, but that just means I'm doing my job. Sorry, kid, you don't smack me and call me names and don't get punished for it.

Hopefully when we look at these photos years from now, we'll remember the horse ride, the 12" horse penis that flopped around as he walked in a circle, and the fact that even though there are bad days, the good days outnumber them.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Things that Don't Suck

1. Neighbors who read your FB status and then promptly deliver staples for your staple gun to your front door.

2. 800 mg of ibuprofen; when it works.

3. Air conditioning.

4. Cookies 'n Cream ice cream.

5. Law & Order: SVU

6. Purple flowers.

Monday, September 26, 2011


Feeling cranky and so, I thought I would make a detailed list of reasons for all of the internet (and Heather) to know.

1. My back is effing killing me. I have no idea what I did, but I am walking like I'm pregnant. I'm not pregnant, but if one person asks me when I'm due, I'll probably bust out in angry tears.

2. I hate my bangs. I thought I'd get bangs. Because, ya know, I am a glutton for punishment. I feel like shaving them off.

3. I am tired of pimples. I am almost 35. I'm bordering perimenopause with zits, red zit scars, and crazy gray hairs. This is not cool.

4. My house is a mess. WHY won't Abby clean up her shit? Is it necessary for 5 pairs of shoes to be sprawled around the living room? (I'm not kidding.)Why isn't the husband bothered by the mess? Also, why is the love seat considered an "OK" place to put things. It's a piece of comfy furniture, not a storage chest. (And now back to #1, it's annoying the piss out of me that I can't move around like I want to to clean up this mess.)

5. I thought, well, if I can't clean I'll recover the dining room chairs. I did 1.3 chairs and ran out of staples. In the grand scheme of life, not a big deal. At all. In my cranky state, it's enough to drive me to write a pointless blog entry.

The End.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Now What?!

My daughter is currently at her first full day of kindergarten. There was anxiety, a few tears, and a bit of nausea; however, once she got her uniform on, she transformed. I guess she realized that she has to do it. She was still very nervous, but once she got into the school yard and saw her friends, she felt a bit better.

I, however, have no idea what I'm going to do with myself. This is weird. I am alone in the house for 6 hours. I'm sure I'll figure something out...

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Post About Nothing in Particular.

In an effort to keep this blog revived, albeit, on life support, I am blogging today. I have nothing profound, interesting, or even mediocre to say, nor do I have photos to illustrate the text.

I have a lot on my mind, but not really sure that getting too in-depth with things is really blog-appropriate. Here are the headlines:

1. My baby is starting kindergarten tomorrow. Bittersweet. I am so sad that she is growing up so quickly, yet I am so impressed with the little girl that she is. Oh, how I wish homeschooling was an option. Sort of.

2. Job search. I've had my resume (pretend there's an accent mark over that last "e") out there for a few months. I've had no calls. I contacted a few people who are in the position to hire. I had an interview. I would enjoy the job if the pay was more than it is. I have to turn it down. The hours are fantastic (would be able to pick the child up from school!) Again, bittersweet.

3. Therapy. Oh therapy, you're kicking my ass. I've moved it to every other week, when, in actuality, I feel like I could/should go every day. I moved it to every other week due to finances. I love and hate going. I love it because I get an objective and helpful view, I hate it because I hate the topic. I have a constant heavy weight on my shoulders and it's not leaving. I constantly feel like I could cry at any second. I know, cryptic, but I'm not really getting into it here.

4. Creativity. I feel like I didn't capitalize on the time I was a stay-at-home mom. Why couldn't I start a photography business? Why can't I get this bag business that I've been thinking of since March off the ground!? Now that I have to work full-time, I feel like all that is shot to shit.

5. Moving. Speaking of shot to shit, my neighborhood is on a decline and that makes me angry and sad. I grew up here, and I do not even recognize it. Yeah, my block is cool, my neighbors are awesome, but the crime has increased and I don't like it one bit. (And, we cannot move until I get a job, see #2).

6. 35. I will be 35 next month. I know that is not old, I know I am still young, but it scares me. Is this mid life? Already!?

7. I think too much about everything.

8. Since therapy, the husband and I have been arguing more frequently. I guess it's good because I'm standing my ground (theoretically), but I don't like the arguing. Also, discussing it in therapy has made me realize something that I don't like.

9. Abby & I want to redo her room. I wish I had my own salary so we could do what we want.

10. I really miss my boy cats. When I get a full time job, the first thing I'm doing is getting a tattoo of them.

Friday, August 26, 2011


It's no secret that I adore sweet baked items. If I had to rank texture of said sweets, it ascending order it would go: sticky (cinnamon rolls), gooey (butter cake), crumbly (biscotti), dry & cake-y (tea biscuits, scones).

Now, don't misinterpret, all of these are highly ranked, in fact, now I find myself craving a cinnamon roll, but I digress...

Every time I go to Starbucks, I buy 3 of those petite vanilla bean scones. They're so tasty. I love the little crack as I bite into the vanilla bean glaze. Yum. After scouring (OK, I looked at a few sites), I decided upon the Pioneer Woman's mock up. And, while I'm discussing the Pioneer Woman, I feel disappointed at how commercial she has become. I think it's awesome that her blog is popular, it's also super cool that she has a cookbook, but really, a show on the food network? Eh. I've lost my interest.

Anyhow, (man! why do I keeping going off on tangents?) I made her scone recipe, except I used pure vanilla extract instead of vanilla beans (or caviar as she calls it, which actually, is kind of annoying). Sorry Pioneer Woman, I may have your love of cooking, baking, and photography, but I do not have your bank account.

Summation: the scones were very good, I will make them again, but smaller.
They weren't *exact* replicas texture-wise, but they are super delicious either way.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Missing my Boys

Last night I had a dream about Carlos & Charlie. It wasn't a good dream. In my dream, they were alive, but both in the process of dying. It was awful and sad. The night before that I had a dream that Abby got into their ashes and found large pieces of identifiable bone: a piece of jaw, and a paw.

Charlie has been gone for almost 4 years, Carlos, not even a year. I miss them both terribly and think about them every day. I am fighting tears now as I write this.

We have two cats now, but they are not really involved in our lives. Zelda is very independent and George sleeps most of the day, comes out at night to torment Zelda and bite and/or scratch me. There is no cat-on-cat or cat-on-human cuddling. It is very sad. I miss my boys.

This is me and Carlos. I don't have any pictures of Charlie on this laptop. :(

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Inspired by the simplicity of this find on pinterest. (And the fact that I have all supplies on hand!) Abby & I made coasters. We had coasters, they're made of cardboard, which is a really stupid substance for a coaster to be made from, really.

This coaster is made from tile, paper, and felt, mod podge, and water-based sealer. Abby made a set and I made a set. She did everything herself, so it's a really easy project for kids to do!

Adaptations: I cut the paper a bit shorter than the size of the tile, so the paper didn't overlap. I also didn't have the little sticky felt pieces, so I just cut up some felt and glued it to the bottom. These are cute ideas for housewarmings, holidays, whatever. I think they'd also look cute with fabric scraps.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Time Suck.

As if facebook, flickr, and etsy aren't enough of a time suck, I've added a new website to the mix. Pinterest.
It's a site of virtual idea boards. You can "pin" images from any website onto a designated board. I have several boards including: lunch ideas, halloween, cloche hat, and cat-related items. One of the cool things about this site is that it gives proper credit to the original site. Kudos, pinterest!

This is such a cool idea because it negates the need for my annoyingly unorganized, endless array of bookmarks. Such a cool idea for redoing a room in your house, or anything really. You can also select ideas you're interested in (DIY, photography, technology, music, etc.). You can also see the pins of other people who share similar likes, styles, and tastes. Chalk this up to another, "Why the eff didn't I think of that?!" idea

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Powder Room Cupcakes

So, a couple (few?) years ago my lovely friend Heather purchased Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World and surprised me with it. I've made many a cupcake from that book, although, admittedly, I often didn't make them vegan. I just like the clever cupcake flavors.
Each time I look through that book, 2 cupcakes stand out. The green tea cupcakes, which I've made numerous times (non-vegan) and love. I make myself a green tea cake for my birthday each year (OK, 2 years in a row, but probably for the rest of my life until I decide that I don't feel like baking myself a cake anymore.) My daughter hates it, but I don't care. It's my birthday and if I want to pay $11.00 an ounce for matcha, then I'm gonna do it, dammit!
The second cupcake is the cover girl of the book. Rosewater pistachio. I know. I don't really care the pistachio as a nut, but in things, it doesn't bother me. And rosewater, I had no idea what it tasted like, but it sounds cool and worthy of a fancy-schmancy cupcake. On a trip to Whole Foods, at least six months (probably closer to a year) ago, I purchased some rosewater. It's been sitting in my cabinet.
I finally put it to use. It smells good, but not edible. I blame this on my Aunt Rose. Well, she's my great-aunt, but whatever.
She had a "powder room" off of her kitchen. It was overly pink and smelled rosy. I didn't realize it at the time, but the second I had a sniff of the clear liquid I was about to pour into cupcakes, I was immediately was standing in Aunt Rose's powder room. Gross. I'm about to flavor the cupcakes with the scent of a bathroom.

So, I can't really give an unbiased opinion of these cupcakes since I feel like I'm eating bathroom smell. I think it's needless to say that I will not be making these again. Abby enjoyed the first bite and finished the cupcake, but didn't want anymore. And she doesn't even have the bathroom memories, so that says something.
Oh, I didn't add the cardamom that the recipe calls for because I've realized that I only like cardamom in chai. It annoys me in anything else.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Resurrection!

More than 365 days have passed since I've written in this blog. Not more than a week goes by that I think about resurrecting it. Today. Today is the resurrection. Please mark this day on your calendar (Heather, my sole reader).

So, what has occurred in the past 12 months? Lots of baking, sewing, and knitting. I also started a book reviewing blog with the child, which I've enjoyed enormously, but, alas! it is now defunct. Mainly because, (looking around shiftily), I have library books that are late. Very late. Months late. I am embarrassed to admit this publicly, even more embarrassed to own up to my crime at the local branch. Also, I feel like I enjoyed the blog more than the child. It got to the point where I could feel her eyes roll. I don't want her to hate reading books because her mother wants to blog about it. Heaven knows I don't want her to resent me for making her do things that I want to do, but she has no interest in...

Which, leads me to the second big thing of the year. Therapy. It's been helpful and stressful. I've also started writing in a journal again. The last time the journal was written in was December 7, 2005. The day before the child was born.

And school. I stopped going to school. I don't feel like getting into the whole thought process, but I'm very pleased with my decision. It's allowed me much more time to read. I've read so many amazing books since quitting school: The Help, I Know This Much is True, Water for Elephants, just to name a few.

Yeah, other things have happened, but nothing really comes to mind right now.

To conclude, enjoy a teaser photo for the next post.