Thursday, January 12, 2012

Pencil & Paper.

Within the past week, I have started sketching. Not random swirls, or leaves, or goofy faces which is my norm. But drawing, of real things.

They're unimpressive, but very therapeutic. I used to love to draw. Drawing was my favorite art class. It's not something I excel in, but it is something that I have rediscovered. I thought about buying a sketch pad, but I realized that will be destined for failure. I will put pressure on myself to "perform" and therefore take the joy out of it. And then it will sit around for months until the child finds it and starts to draw pictures of flowers and rain within its pages.

So for now, I will be content with my sketches from photographs and things that are in my vision. (I just drew my left hand.)

When I look at things, most things, I crop it in an image, even if it's boring. That's just how my mind works. I then analyze shadows and highlights. I've been doing this since highschool. And I do it all. the. time. Since I don't have my camera in work, and I do have a pencil and paper, some of these cropped images are finally making their way into the world.

Sunday, January 1, 2012


Traditionally, resolutions are made with each new year. Traditionally, those resolutions are abandoned by February. Ordinarily, I do not make resolutions because I know myself well enough to know that they are fruitless. This year, however, I am making anti-resolutions. I resolve to not try to lose weight. I'm not going to exercise more.I am not going to be more organized. I know, I'm a fucking rebel.

I am done with beating myself up for eating doritos with my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am going to get whipped cream on my salted caramel frappucino if I want it. I am going to get an everything bagel with cream cheese once in awhile. I will eat Turkey Hill cookies and cream ice cream because it tastes so much better than that "light" crap full of chemicals and unidentifiable ingredients.

I will exercise if I feel like it and not quit because I don't have a regular routine. Something is better than nothing. I will eat carrots because I like them, not because they have zero points. I will put Olivio on my baked potato because I want a healthy heart. I will choose whole wheat over white because I have never really like white bread. I will chose a hummus plate over grilled cheese because I like hummus.

I will not be ashamed of my body. I'm fat. That's just how I am. Just because I am fat, that does not mean that: my opinions hold less value, that I am lazy, that I can't be pretty, or stylish, or even sexy. I am fat and I'm healthy. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I like food. No. I love food. But not crappy McDonald's, or Applebee's, or Mrs. Smith's frozen pies. I love REAL food. Homemade pasta, homemade cookies & cakes. These are foods worth eating. Delicious food that makes me feel content, food that was made with love and care. Consequently, I also love to cook and bake. Knowing that you've made something that people genuinely enjoy is a wonderful feeling.

I'm not talking eating until I want to vomit, I'm talking about eating good food to nourish my body and my soul. I'm Italian, I like good food. There is no point in trying to stifle that part of myself.

Have a donut. (They're from Yum Yum's) And they are delicious. I ate a red velvet donut for breakfast with my coffee. Happy New Year!