Baby Shower Gifts.

My first sewing projects in, um, F O R E V E R.
All of these projects were pretty simple and turned out really cute. I love the fabric. The parents aren't finding out the baby's sex and I'm kind of glad because if I knew it was a boy or a girl, I probably would have gone for a gender specific fabric. This is pretty gender neutral without being a blatant, "I don't know what the sex of the baby is so here is something yellow and green" gift.
The blanket & bib are from Bend-the-Rules Sewing.
The kimono is from here. The last one I made was quite awhile ago!

A Delicious Sandwich.

I've had this recipe bookmarked for awhile. It's very good. I served it for dinner, but Cooking Light recommends it for breakfast/brunch.
I served it with sweet potato fries.

The sandwich is grilled goat cheese sandwich served on cinnamon raisin bread. The goat cheese mixture includes honey, lemon zest, and basil. The recipe calls for fig preserves. I couldn't find that, so I used Dickinson's apple butter instead. Very delicious!

Sorry for the crappy picture.

Some Sad (probably overdramatic) Thoughts.

I've been wanting to blog, but can't think of anything creative or clever to say.
I've been perusing old posts, even old flickr commentary. I don't even remember writing half of the things, and can't even believe that they came from my head.

I've deduced that school has sucked the life out of me. This makes me sad. But, what furthers my sadness is the high possibility that this will happen to Abby. School, but its nature, just does that. I hate that. Oh, how I wish that home schooling was an option for us. I really, really do.

But, it's not. I need to work (hence the reason I'm back in school) and Abby needs the social interaction and constant activity that school provides.

I get really sad when I think about her losing her creativity, or being told how/what to think.

Graceful.

I finished my first knitted non-scarf wearable item. For myself.
The pattern was easy, but the chart was a pain in the ass. Combined with my fading printer ink, the small diagram, and the pattern errors, I almost gave up.

I don't know why I have more patience with knitting than I do with anything else. It's weird an unexplainable. Honestly though, if I had encountered the problems I did when I started the top, I probably wouldn't have finished. The major problems came on the last piece of the front. I had to finish it!

The yarn is a discontinued Lion Brand (Imagine) line from Heather. It's kind of itchy, but will be perfectly fine worn over a button down shirt in the fall and winter.

Oh, and I put it on ravelry. My first ravelry posting. I'm a dork because that's exciting for me.

Over 2 months.

It's been over 2 months and I'm blogging without pictures. What a let down.

This blog will not be about school: stressful; knitting: active; sewing: inactive; baking: sporadic; cooking: minimal and lazy; instead, it will be about what has preoccupied my mind since, oh probably 2nd grade when a 7th grader said to me, and I quote, "You got a big ass."

I'm a bigger person. Always have been. And when I say "bigger" I don't mean fat, I mean large. I'm tall, and just generally large. I wear a size 10 shoe. I'm not saying, "Oh, I'm big boned, that's why I look like this." It's just to prove my point. Throughout my life, most of my friend have been petite, this only added to my ogre-ish feelings. Perhaps that's why I was always attracted to tall guys (husband is 6'5".)

I weighed myself the other day. I managed to gain 5 pounds in a week. Don't know how that happened. It's not menstrual. I weigh the most I ever have (besides when I was pregnant... that doesn't count.)

I weight more than I did when I started Weight Watchers in 2003. That go around I lost a lot of weight. 53 lbs. I kept it off too, until I got pregnant. Since giving birth in 2005, I've tried Weight Watchers 3 more times. THREE. Lost very minimal, and the progress was super slow. I got so discouraged, I quit. And managed to gain back more than I had lost. Such a statistic. A depressing statistic. I blame(d) Zoloft. I started taking that about a week after my kiddo was born. That's almost 5 years on it; I recently weaned myself off and have since started taking 5-HTP. So far, so good with the mental health. But, will it help me lose weight? Who knows.

So now comes the crux. I know I need to lose weight. I know it. I try. I get discouraged. I try to like myself despite the fact that I abhor how I look. The person I am on the inside isn't reflected on the outside. But why shouldn't it be? Just because I'm FAT doesn't mean I can't be sexy, or pretty, or funny. But, it's easy to be socially stupid and awkward and to hide behind the layers so I'm not looked at funny. "Oh, the fat girl. She *has* to be funny because she can't possibly be sexy." Not fair. And, on most days, I don't let this get to me, but it's easy to fall into this way of thinking. Too easy. I hate the word FAT. I don't use it around my daughter. My goal is to not have her preoccupied with weight. She's already a big kid; she's 4 1/2 and wearing a size 8. She's tall. Her weight is proportional. She is perfect. She towers over her classmates. I need to have a healthy attitude so that she has a healthy attitude.

So, how to lose weight without feeling like you're worthless if you're overweight? How? There's the health factor, sure.

I'm rambling. These thoughts are scattered in my mind and mainly, I'm just writing it to kind of piece things together.


I think a lot of times people see "fat" people and either feel disgust or pity. Disgust: "Just stop eating at McDonald's." Pity: "Poor girl, she'd be so pretty if she lost some weight."

Fact about me: I don't eat McDonald's. Fuck. I don't even eat red meat or chicken. I don't like cream sauces. I eat more than my fair share of fruits & veggies. I exercise at least 3 times a week. Yeah, I have ice cream a couple times a week, but not super-sized Dairy Queen crap. Real ice cream; either home-made ice cream, or Turkey Hill vanilla, no artificial crap.

Summation: Being overweight doesn't mean I'm worthless. Don't judge overweight people. You don't know why they're overweight; hell, they may not even know why.

On my Needles.

I just finished up this a few days ago. I still need to do the trim (it's crochet and I don't know how to do that) and add a clasp. Other than that, it's assembled and wearable.

Now, I'm working on this bag.

(picture from the purl bee's website)
I don't know how, but I ended up decreasing a total of 10 stitches, but whatever. I'm still going on with it because the pattern is simple and enjoyable.

I'm using Rowan's Calmer Yarn in a light purple color.


This bag is in preparation of the Headhouse Market's opening next month. I like to trick myself into thinking that I will go there frequently. I know this to be false, but I plan to get there at least once during the season.

Tattoo. (Not the short guy from Fantasty Island).

I've been wanting another tattoo for awhile. Something Halloween-ish. Perhaps something like this (minus the words):


Or something like this:


I know it's gonna be awhile before I get another one. I just like to thing about it.